Anyone who knows me would tell you that making decisions is just one of those things I am absolutely awful at doing. I pawn it off onto others whenever I can (even when I sometimes I try to make it seem like I’m not).
“Am I making the right decision?”
“Ugh, I don’t want to chooseeee!”
“Well, what do you think?”
When it’s especially tough, I attempt to divert.
“What would you do instead?”
Oh no, you looked disapproving. Am I wrong??
What’s more? I’m not just asking one or two close friends. I ask EVERYONE I know. Sometimes I poll my twitter followers. I ask my hairdresser (Hi Lisa!). Hell, even strangers I am barely acquainted with but am friends with on Facebook. Crowdsourcing major life decisions is absolutely my brand.
“Hey, didn’t we talk that one time at the mall three years ago? Help me make this very important life decision!”
(Or even more pathetically, help me decide what to have for lunch!)
It’s not necessarily that I can’t make decisions. I can and do. I elected to have buffalo wing dip for breakfast and chocolate covered almonds for lunch today. I haven’t even regretted it yet! But I’m always afraid that I will regret it. I’m absolutely terrified that I will make the wrong decision. I almost never make decisions on impulse. Rather, I meticulously overthink them.
So I think it came as a surprise to everyone including myself when I said I was moving to New York City even though I hadn’t yet gotten a job there.
I mean… Look, I am sensible to a fault. I don’t spend money carelessly and hardly ever charge something I couldn’t pay off immediately if I needed to. I don’t just make decisions like this! Hell, I’ve even talked myself out of making this exact decision at least five times in the past!
This time was just the tipping point. And it’s incredibly cheesy, but there was one specific reason I was catapulted in this direction.
Yep. Lin Manuel Miranda and his extraordinarily popular musical Hamilton.
I know it’s corny and stupid but the song “Wait for It” that Aaron Burr sings in act one?
I’m tired of waiting for it. I’ve always been the Burr character in the story of my life. I mean, I’m not a villain, but I’m definitely one to let things happen to me. I’m don’t make things happen; I wait for them to happen. There’s a subtle, but powerful difference. (Un?)Fortunately, here’s the truth…
Nothing is going to happen unless you make it happen.
It was a hard truth for me to realize, but it’s the god’s honest truth – especially in my industry. At least 90% of jobs that are posted in tv and film get filled internally or by people who know someone. A someone with connections who emails your resume directly, or puts it on the right desk. You’ll never get a call for an interview from applying on their site. It’s just not how it works. And not living in the city? Strike two. I’m practically out before I’ve even taken a swing.
So I’ve made this decision (and a lot of things happened even quicker than I thought they would). I found an apartment and a great new friend. Putting in my notice was absolute torture (I’m so bad at confrontation (unless it’s a duet between Javert and Valjean, in which case I will happily join you – either part)) but even that went better than I could have dreamed. Almost everyone I have told has been so supportive and I can’t wait for this next chapter of my life.
A lot is going to change. I have a lot of plans to finalize and choices to make. I will probably bug each and every one of you innumerable times. Please bear with me. It’s all going to work out in the end; it has to.
I am not throwing away my shot.
I’m gonna be in the room where it happens.
wait for it